Love and Death
by hudgens77
Summary: "Light-kun, I'm not scared. I'm terrified."


**Hello! Well, I had this oneshot written a little while ago, but I forgot to upload it here XD I hope it's nice.**

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><p><strong>Love and Death<strong>

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><p>"Ryuuzaki!" Light exclaimed, throwing himself at the floor to catch the agonizing detective and stop his fall.<p>

He took him in his arms, and every trail of Yagami Light vanished then. A smirk traveled through his features, Kira's smirk, taking control of him.

The worst thing than can ever happen to you is watching the face of your murderer as you die. Even worst, if you're in love with him. And it's sadder if that person doesn't feel the way you do and just gives you a satisfied expression as your life ends, an expression so damn eerie like the one Light was giving L Lawliet in those seconds.

L tried to hold on to life, but it was like ocean currents grabbing him down, drowning him, impeding him to fight…

_I.. I was right.. But I..._

His black eyes closed slowly, and Kira's smile grew wider, confirming all his suspicions..

_L, I win._

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><p>Light's eyes snapped open, and the first thing they saw was the digital clock's light in the table next to the bed. 2:46 A.M. He still had plenty of time to sleep.<br>It had just been a nightmare. A creepy and vivid nightmare, and as he calmed his agitated respiration he became aware of the other rhythmic breathing that reigned in the silent bedroom.

His heart soothed a bit by knowing L was breathing, he was alive and next to him.

He felt mentally overjoyed due to the fact that even if it had been such a frightening and realistic dream, he had kept his self-control and hadn't awoken the detective who slept placidly at the other side of the bed. L needed to sleep, it would've been such a shame to wake him up with a scream or any other likely reaction, the young man never slept already. He smiled to himself in the darkness, imagining the pacific expression in the eccentric youth's face when sleeping. Moreover, he had never seen him with his eyes closed. Except for his recent nightmare.

And so the overwhelming and fresh memories came back. His brown eyes were filled with tears, and he was incapable of holding them back, and soft sobs escaped his lips. He drew his hand to his mouth to contain them, trying not to move the handcuffs too much. He didn't realize when his body began to tremble, in the middle of his silent crying, causing the metal to tinkle slightly, a practically inaudible sound, but L's senses were as sharp as a cat's —no wonder why he was the world's greatest detective— and it was enough to wake him up.

He felt concern when he noticed Light was suffering; and it was inevitable, but he had grown fond of the young man unintentionally. However his rational side impeded him to go, hug and comfort the latter. Not moving at all, he murmured in the absolute darkness:

"Light-kun, are you okay?"

The slight trembling and the sobs stopped ipso facto.

Dammit, he had woken up L. Not only that, but he had noticed everything.

"Of course, L. I just had a bad dream," Light responded trying to hide his shattered voice. He grinned a bit, a fake grin to complement his perfect acting, though it didn't make sense since the room was in absolute darkness and even if it were illuminated, Ryuuzaki wouldn't see his expression since they were back to back.

Lawliet took his thumb to his mouth, weighting what to answer. He wanted to tell him everything would be fine, that he could trust him, to forget everything because he would protect him. That was what L, as a _person_, wanted to tell _Yagami Light_. However L, the _detective_, mustn't say such stupidities to the number one suspect of being _Kira_. Feelings were just bothering obstacles that always got in the way, things he had to ignore.

And nevertheless he couldn't. Because in those last months, the auburn-haired man had changed. His personality wasn't the same, he could see it. Even his gaze was different, and it was then when he fell for him. But he knew somewhere, hidden, there was the mass murderer who had challenged him and was planning on killing him. L didn't regret getting involved in the Kira case, because that way he had met Light. But he did regret the fact that Light had to be that despicable killer.

L sighed heavily, an act that didn't go unnoticed by Light. If just things could stay that way, and Kira could become a bad and diffuse memory..  
>But it couldn't happen that way. Deep down he knew sooner or later Light would change again. That was why he needed to make the most of every single second he had before it happened. But those damned feelings were so confusing, profound and painful…<p>

"L," Light broke the silence. No matter what happened, no matter if it raised his percentage of being Kira, he needed to get out those remorseful feelings out of his chest. "I'm scared," he finally announced, his voice breaking in the sentence, bringing new teardrops to shower his cheeks. Yes, Light was scared that somewhere inside him, hidden, was the killer. It wasn't the first time the thought ran through his head, and that damn dream just emphasized his biggest fears. But no, he couldn't be him! He couldn't, right? Because he'd never do something so heartless, he wouldn't be able to live with that. However the insistent suspicions and questions from Ryuuzaki, and those thoughts that haunted him every once in a while.. What if they actually meant something?

"L," he begged. _L, save me_, his mind shouted, and the sobs were more difficult to control.

L felt his heart break, but what could he do about it? They were not meant to be, they had never been. And how could he comfort Light, how could he tell him not to be afraid, when he himself felt so scared as well? Like any human who feels death getting closer, he was afraid. What was next? Did he like his life as he had lived it? Could he change something in such a short amount of time? Could he fulfill his wishes, his dreams? Would someone remember him, miss him?

Lawliet thanked God for the darkness and for the position they were in, because that way Light couldn't see him crying. Because L didn't cry.  
>And nonetheless he needed to be comforted now more than ever. Not turning around, he searched around for the other's hand, and took him firmly, the handcuffs tinkling with every movement. Light was a little shocked, but appreciated the contact without changing his position as well. He wanted it.<p>

"There's nothing to be afraid of Light, it was just a nightmare," his voice was monotonous, yet the tears kept falling. He intertwined his fingers with the young man, and he didn't refuse. Instead, he squeezed them tightly. "Now sleep, tomorrow we'll catch Higuchi and we need to have a good rest."

Light nodded against the pillow, feeling peace. He wasn't Kira, and Lawliet would always be by his side. He was certain about that. He smiled, he couldn't be happier. He could feel it, he could feel how that night something had changed between them...

He closed his eyes. But before falling completely asleep, he murmured:

"L?"

"Yes?" the other voice replied immediately.

"Thank you," and with that, he let sleep drag him to the world of sweet dreams. L didn't answer, the lump in his throat was too big to let him speak. Now it was him who broke down crying, not letting Light's warm hand go, but being careful enough not to disturb his rest.

Once he calmed himself enough to talk —and yet not enough to stop crying— a whisper could be heard in the dark room.

"Light-kun, I'm scared too."

A pause, more tears. He knew that would probably be one of his last conversations with innocent Light, because he could feel Kira's presence getting closer, thirsty of power and domination.

"Light-kun, I'm not scared. I'm terrified."

Yes, he was terrified. Terrified of everything. Of his feelings, of confusion, of love, of death…

Terrified to know for the first time in his life there was someone for him, terrified of finding out the handcuffs were not the only thing that kept them united, that they had developed a bond beyond the incomprehensible and the inexplicable, beyond the tie that unites the predator and its prey…

And terrified to know that soon enough that bond would be destroyed in Kira's hands, and there was nothing left to do about it.


End file.
